About a year ago, I began asking myself questions about commitment. I wondered why I was still single and what it really meant to be truly and wholly committed. Wasn’t there anyone out there who I could be truly happy with? What would it take for me to finally commit to a long-term relationship?
I believe that the answers I sought then have found me since, and they have been very interesting. These answers have shown me new things about myself—truths that I think are very important for all those still seeking to find that special someone of their own.
Over the course of the past year, I have realized that there are very few things to which I have fully committed myself—mind, body, and soul. However, the things I have committed myself to completely are things very important to me. These things are the back-drop of my entire life. They lie behind everything I have done and hope to ever do.
The three things in life that I have been continually committed to are:
- My Creator
- My family
- Continued learning, growth, and progression
When I first moved out into the world, away from my family, I discovered that I was lonely. I missed my family, and wanted to build one of my own. I also wanted to be deeply–and happily–in love. I wanted someone with whom I could share my life.
For over 10 years, I attempted to form lasting relationships. I sought to find someone with whom I could create the kind of relationship that would allow both of us to experience the type of joy I knew was possible. After all, I’d seen this type of love before in certain couples. It was beautiful, and I wanted to be a part of something like that.
Over the course of those 10 years, however, every relationship I formed reached a point where I knew in my heart that breaking it off was the right thing. As much as I wanted to be in love and experience the deep satisfaction that a truly fulfilling relationship could provide, I knew that these relationships were not–and could never be–the one I ultimately sought. In the end, I would always discover that I could not provide the life-long happiness that any of these young women sought, and neither could they create such happiness for me. With each relationship, I realized that the priorities and commitments of our lives just didn’t match up. As the realization came, time and time again, that I could not in good conscience foster the relationship any further, I began to wonder if it was even possible to find someone whose life could align with my own.
Because of the demise of these relationships, I have been told many times, over the years, that I had commitment issues. The thought made me discouraged. But I write today to share a truth that I discovered only recently—a truth that has given me great comfort:
I am an extremely committed individual. There are things in my life that I believe in deeply, and live to the fullest extent. Those things create the guide to which I pattern my entire life.
With this in mind, I would like to suggest that these types of commitments are what ultimately lead us to lasting relationships. In order to find someone who you can commit to spend the rest of your life with, you must first discover the things in life that you are already truly committed to. Only then can you go out and find the right person—someone whose commitments and goals match and compliment your own. Together, you and this person will then be able to reaffirm each other in your journeys. This matching commitment will allow you to grow in love and appreciation of one another more and more with each passing day.
I share this today to give hope to those (of all ages) who may be wondering if they will ever find someone with whom they can be truly happy. I promise that it can happen. I know this.
After all, it has finally happened for me.
Take the time to discover where your priorities and the commitments of your life lie. Recognize them, and commit to live up to them no matter what happens. Never sacrifice them for anything as you continue your search for love and fulfillment. If you honor the commitments that lie within the sacred walls of your heart, you attract others who will respect and honor those same things. This will open the doors to the kind of relationships that bring true joy to your life.
And, as with all things that move us forward, do not give place in your heart for fear—the fear that you won’t find someone, that you will be alone, or that you have to sacrifice who you are to be happy. None of these things is true. You are magnificent just the way you are. Never settle prematurely or sacrifice what matters most in your life for a relationship that, deep down, you know can never make you truly happy.
Deeply loving relationships, that grow and deepen exponentially with time, DO exist. They are REAL, and they will find you when you are truly ready for them. If you wait for this type of relationship, patiently honoring the commitments of your heart in the meantime, it will find you. And when it does come, you will be prepared to commit to it, nourish it tenderly, and watch it blossom into something more wonderful than you could’ve imagined.
But first, you must ask yourself this question: What are you ALREADY truly and wholly committed to in life?